We did get Jared home last night, much later than planned. Due to delays at three airports, unexpected deplanings, a missing bag, and terrible traffic at SeaTac, we got Jared home after 11:00 pm last night, rather than at 5:00, without his suitcase, after a grueling 19 hours of travel on his part. The two little kids went to sleep in the car around 10:45, later than usual but still merciful; however Anne was waiting at our house with Jeff and Linda, having been out to the Apollo XI exhibit with them, and none of us anticipating how long it would take to get Jared at the airport after his 9:07 landing time. All of which is to say, that our goal today is get everyone some rest. That's sort of going ok...
The point of the post is that actually, although I did lose it a few times this week, all in all, I think we had a pretty remarkable solo week. Here's the story:
A year or two ago I joined a facebook group for homeschool parents from our denomination, which for the most part has been mostly not particularly helpful and not really much up my alley. But in the midst of a discussion on there of which I was not part, I recently learned about another facebook group called Christian Gentle Parenting or something like that, and it sounded interesting, and I joined it, and it turns out to be incredible. The homepage of the group has a lot of resources, and lists of outside resources, and in discussions people have started on the page, people have talked about various resources which helped them through specific situations (many of which seem SO familiar) and linked to them. As a result, I have been doing a lot of reading, online and in hard copy, mostly in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, and I feel like my parenting life is going through a major empowerment and shift in understanding.
Out of all the parenting books recommended by this group, I had only read one (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen - both versions of it), and although I found it helpful, trying out all the tips and tricks hasn't remotely solved my relationship woes with my most super-emotional child. Now I'm learning about other resources which go way deeper into the stuff I have been getting wrong: Why does my kid act that way when it is obviously harming herself? Why does X or Y bother me so much? How do I encourage my child to work through this stuck place without resorting to punishment which seems arbitrary and makes it worse? How do I teach self-discipline, rather than mere obedience? (which is NOT working, just so you know...) The thing that is really clicking for me right now is reading articles and podcast transcriptions by Janet Lansbury, whose work is based on that of Magda Gerber, a name I was familiar with on account of Ed Sprunger. For me, this material is incredible and eye opening, and although I will always be human and get stuff wrong, I feel like now I have the hope of getting it right frequently enough to be considered a decent human being. I am very excited! I love learning.
Saturday, June 29, 2019
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
Ninja prepping
This title represents wishful thinking. I have had, so far, only one night alone with all three kids. It was when Laurel was three weeks old, and it was on a weekend. It wasn't great, but it was doable.
Next week, I have a whole week with Jared out of town. I have some limited teaching scheduled on three days. Plus... a day trip to a beach party in memory of a relative who recently passed, Anne's last day of school, her first two days of swimming classes, and Anne is throwing a very low-key party in the back yard for her classmates. (Forest school kids only require snacks and things to play with outdoors. We got that under control!) . I will have to do a little planning and prepping, but everything looks fine.
It's the evening routine I'm worried about. Our normal routine is very heavily dependent on both parents. I help Anne with cello practice. Jared makes dinner and cleans up afterward. I bathe the kids, get them dressed, and help Anne with her toothbrushing. Jared cleans the cat boxes and feeds the cats. He brushes Lazarus' teeth. I nurse Lazarus and Laurel. Jared tells Anne and Lazarus their stories and sings them their songs. He lies down with Lazarus until Lazarus goes to sleep. I do whatever it takes to get Laurel to sleep.
So obviously we have to have a different routine involving only one person with one voice, on pair of eyes, and one set of hands, and I have been running through all sorts of possibilities in my mind. When I get it hashed out, I will be creating a calender and schedule for the kids to refer to, and it will involve them listening to stories on the CD player in bed while they wait for me.
I don't always feel charitable at the end of a day, and I need to give all of us some grace!
I am prepping, imagining my amazing ninja skills in getting the end-of-days done with a good attitude and kindness on my part. I may not live up to my expectations...
Also, don't tell anyone, but I found out there is a frozen yoghurt place down the hill with several vegan flavors, and I plan to take them there at least once during the week.
Next week, I have a whole week with Jared out of town. I have some limited teaching scheduled on three days. Plus... a day trip to a beach party in memory of a relative who recently passed, Anne's last day of school, her first two days of swimming classes, and Anne is throwing a very low-key party in the back yard for her classmates. (Forest school kids only require snacks and things to play with outdoors. We got that under control!) . I will have to do a little planning and prepping, but everything looks fine.
It's the evening routine I'm worried about. Our normal routine is very heavily dependent on both parents. I help Anne with cello practice. Jared makes dinner and cleans up afterward. I bathe the kids, get them dressed, and help Anne with her toothbrushing. Jared cleans the cat boxes and feeds the cats. He brushes Lazarus' teeth. I nurse Lazarus and Laurel. Jared tells Anne and Lazarus their stories and sings them their songs. He lies down with Lazarus until Lazarus goes to sleep. I do whatever it takes to get Laurel to sleep.
So obviously we have to have a different routine involving only one person with one voice, on pair of eyes, and one set of hands, and I have been running through all sorts of possibilities in my mind. When I get it hashed out, I will be creating a calender and schedule for the kids to refer to, and it will involve them listening to stories on the CD player in bed while they wait for me.
I don't always feel charitable at the end of a day, and I need to give all of us some grace!
I am prepping, imagining my amazing ninja skills in getting the end-of-days done with a good attitude and kindness on my part. I may not live up to my expectations...
Also, don't tell anyone, but I found out there is a frozen yoghurt place down the hill with several vegan flavors, and I plan to take them there at least once during the week.
Saturday, June 15, 2019
June Update
It has been some time since I have posted, and if you read my last post, you'll understand why. Additionally, we had a computer disaster, and we have not had a computer in the house for close to three weeks, so that slowed me way down on the email and registrations for summer things, not to mention recreational (therapeutic?) pursuits such as blogging. I've had two things I wanted to write about, so I'll cram those both in here in short order. For those who are hoping for cute kid pictures, I'm sorry, that's not here. My smart phone is my method of photography these days, and it is so easy to upload to facebook; it takes more steps to put things into the blog. If you're not on facebook, you'll just have to imagine my cute kids and my outdoor adventures. I was thinking about my purpose in starting the blog long ago as a story-telling forum, word-based, so I am likely sticking with that for the foreseeable future.
Story one - My Walking Buddy
That is Lazarus. He is always game for my 1.1 mile route through the neighborhood, usually pushing his baby stroller, or occasionally his balance bike. Sometimes he'll ride in the double stroller with Laurel, and then he has lots to say. *Look Mom, a car. Does that car have a plug for the key? Does it? Look, a boat. Another boat! There's a kitty. The tractor is gone. It went to work. It will come home after work. There's a airplane.* Also, I think he's getting over it now, but he was so loving the walks that he was going off on walks and rides by himself, and for a little while I had to run out to the street and start looking for him anytime I hadn't heard from him in five minutes. There he'd be, pushing his baby stroller down the block, and I'd come up huffing and puffing behind him. *Lazarus, what are you doing?* *Going for a little walk.* . *I love that you want to walk, but you need to ask me first.* [continues to walk away down the street] *Mom, can I go on a walk?* *I need to come with you, and I can't go right now. Let's go home and we can walk together later.* *OK.*
Also, he occasionally now mentions his imaginary friend, named Friendy. Friendy is his little boy.... He was reading to Friendy.... Friendy drove away to Texas....
Story two - Existential Crisis Update
If you didn't read my post about existential crises written in April, then you may want to look at that to get a better sense of what I'm writing about here.
A few months ago, my mom sent me a stack of parenting books, which I devoured over the April break, and she threw in one more she hadn't read but wanted to. It is authored by a friend from their church, William Greenway, and is titled For the Love of All Creatures: The Story of Grace in Genesis. I have only finished reading this week, despite the fact it is a rather slim book. The words are dense and academic, so it is not easy reading, but I read it eagerly, as I have long felt I don't have a practical handle on theological grace (only Sunday school answers), and given my previous writing about the world-ending asteroid impact of 65 million years before present, I had some more questions I couldn't even find words to ask about grace, and love, and the book of Genesis. So it turns out Bill's book was rather timely. I won't detail the entire book for you. Do read it for yourself if you feel you have questions along those lines. I will, however, give you a brief outline of what impacted me in his writing. He looked at the first eleven chapters of Genesis in light of the Exile, in light of the philosophy of the Ennuma Elish, and in light of the philosophy of Locke and Darwin. (He was not looking at Locke and Darwin in terms of science, pointing out that evolution as a scientific theory does not impact his faith one way or another. If evolution were disproved, then the creationists will have their faith validated. If evolution were proved, the materialists' faith in materialism will be validated. However, his own faith in God as a God of Love is not dependent on the success or failure of any particular scientific theory.) He also looked at our reading of Genesis in light of modern thought, and how that is not the world in which it was written or meant to be read. He contrasted "dominion" - having been seized by love for all of God's creations, and "domination" - seeing ourselves as the pinnacle of God's creation and therefore able to use it for any of our own purposes. There is lots more.
I am not sure I am ever going to be able to articulate all my questions or find answers to them, and I think that is a healthy place to be. Keeps God out of boxes, and keeps my mind open.
Story one - My Walking Buddy
That is Lazarus. He is always game for my 1.1 mile route through the neighborhood, usually pushing his baby stroller, or occasionally his balance bike. Sometimes he'll ride in the double stroller with Laurel, and then he has lots to say. *Look Mom, a car. Does that car have a plug for the key? Does it? Look, a boat. Another boat! There's a kitty. The tractor is gone. It went to work. It will come home after work. There's a airplane.* Also, I think he's getting over it now, but he was so loving the walks that he was going off on walks and rides by himself, and for a little while I had to run out to the street and start looking for him anytime I hadn't heard from him in five minutes. There he'd be, pushing his baby stroller down the block, and I'd come up huffing and puffing behind him. *Lazarus, what are you doing?* *Going for a little walk.* . *I love that you want to walk, but you need to ask me first.* [continues to walk away down the street] *Mom, can I go on a walk?* *I need to come with you, and I can't go right now. Let's go home and we can walk together later.* *OK.*
Also, he occasionally now mentions his imaginary friend, named Friendy. Friendy is his little boy.... He was reading to Friendy.... Friendy drove away to Texas....
Story two - Existential Crisis Update
If you didn't read my post about existential crises written in April, then you may want to look at that to get a better sense of what I'm writing about here.
A few months ago, my mom sent me a stack of parenting books, which I devoured over the April break, and she threw in one more she hadn't read but wanted to. It is authored by a friend from their church, William Greenway, and is titled For the Love of All Creatures: The Story of Grace in Genesis. I have only finished reading this week, despite the fact it is a rather slim book. The words are dense and academic, so it is not easy reading, but I read it eagerly, as I have long felt I don't have a practical handle on theological grace (only Sunday school answers), and given my previous writing about the world-ending asteroid impact of 65 million years before present, I had some more questions I couldn't even find words to ask about grace, and love, and the book of Genesis. So it turns out Bill's book was rather timely. I won't detail the entire book for you. Do read it for yourself if you feel you have questions along those lines. I will, however, give you a brief outline of what impacted me in his writing. He looked at the first eleven chapters of Genesis in light of the Exile, in light of the philosophy of the Ennuma Elish, and in light of the philosophy of Locke and Darwin. (He was not looking at Locke and Darwin in terms of science, pointing out that evolution as a scientific theory does not impact his faith one way or another. If evolution were disproved, then the creationists will have their faith validated. If evolution were proved, the materialists' faith in materialism will be validated. However, his own faith in God as a God of Love is not dependent on the success or failure of any particular scientific theory.) He also looked at our reading of Genesis in light of modern thought, and how that is not the world in which it was written or meant to be read. He contrasted "dominion" - having been seized by love for all of God's creations, and "domination" - seeing ourselves as the pinnacle of God's creation and therefore able to use it for any of our own purposes. There is lots more.
I am not sure I am ever going to be able to articulate all my questions or find answers to them, and I think that is a healthy place to be. Keeps God out of boxes, and keeps my mind open.
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