Rapid Eye Movement

It's been hard to sleep in long stretches lately.  We'd gotten used to the 5:30 wake-up time on weekdays, and then my nanny job evaporated (temporarily, I think), and then Jared has four days of the EARLY shift this week wherein he has a 3:00 am wake-up.  My inner clock is confused.  Last night I slept from about 9:30 pm 1:00 am.  Then I slept from about 1:30 to 3:00.  After that I slept a little from maybe 3:15 to 3:30.  Then I lay awake in great boredom for a while, and around 4:30 I went to the living room where I read until about 5:45, after which I had a couple little stretches of sleep finally ending around 7:45.  The interesting thing about waking up at random odd hours and lying awake is that one remembers ones dreams.

One of last night's dreams involved a 6-year-old from Rochester who quietly snuck away from home every afternoon to earn money as a parking attendant at a big parking garage in a downtown.  Her parents never knew she was gone - they thought she was reading quietly in another room, until one day the underage-work-cops showed up and busted her.... And then my good friend from Kentucky had to go into hiding for some reason in the same downtown, but left a book with another of our friends and me which was maybe going to have some sort of secret code in it so we could figure out what was going on.  So there was that dream.  Mysterious.

And then I had two dreams about telephone conversations with the clinic social worker about getting health insurance.  The first one was a conference call involving my good friend in Minnesota.  The second one was a conference call from my grandmother's old house involving my mom.  This is how you can tell you're old - you have dreams about health insurance....

The nanny job is on hold until the dad gets transferred back to the morning shift, which hopefully will be in the next month or so.  But that's reality, not a midnight dream!  And I am expecting two and only two trick-or-treaters tomorrow evening - my two nanny kids.  I am going to see what sort of something fun I can find for them at Target in the dollar bin.  They're going to get beaucoup de candy on their rounds, and I'm thinking they might get something non-candy but fun from me.  Dunno what yet.

And in other news, I am going to get to go to Texas for Thanksgiving, leaving Jared behind to go to work.  Isn't that thoughtful of me?  But I am super excited.

And also, the fall colors are pretty much at the best right now in our area.  Beautiful!!!

Ode to the Cat

O Cat, thou bringest such great joy.  I delight to watch thine habits great and small.  Thy licking of lips after the eating of morsels, thy grooming of fur with barbed pink tongue, thy twitching of tail to express emotion, thy chattering of teeth when thou seest fowl, thy forward point of whiskers when thou expresseth interest in some, thy nappings curled up in a ball, thy putting of thy chin down on delicate paws to rest, thy stretching out of thyself in the sun with thy belly upward into the rays.  Thou chasest and ignorest toys with the utmost fascination.  Thou settleth in on my lap with great purrings for thy nap.  Thou arrivest at the dinner table to take thy seat amongst the people.  Thou curlest up on my bed in the night with thy fellows for warmth.  Thou interactest with the other felines in the house in all manner of ways.  Thou chewest on thy little paws.  Thou hast softest fur and likest to receive brushings. Thou scurryest from one window to another to glimpse creatures outside of thy dwelling in their diverse activities.  Thou comest when the icebox is opened to ask for some meat.  Thou waitest in the evening for thy crunchy nuggets.  Thou hoppest into the tub to lap water from thy dish.  Thou art curious at all doors, especially those being shut.  Thou diggest in thy toy bin to find a play thing.  Thou lovest the people of the family and fearest strangers until such can be made into friends.

I enjoy an afternoon sitting on my sofa.  I have no need of a flickering box of entertainment, for I have before me three cats.  I can watch these creatures with endless fascination.  They are fearfully and wonderfully made and they are most excellent companions.

Fear Drawer remix

The last few days, I've been having one of those "fear drawer" moments.  The combination of Jared fainting behind the wheel two weeks ago and all the drama that involved plus the house fire last week and all the drama that involved sort of put one's nervous system on red alert.  And also I got an unexpected email yesterday which is going to require some big decisions quickly with good-sized implications.

Then one starts thinking about oh no, what if the baby isn't ok? and how are we going to pay our rent starting in January? and what if we don't have health insurance when the baby arrives?  or what if there's a car wreck?  or what if there's something wrong with the cat?  What if?  What if?  The heart rate goes up.  One wakes up from frightening dreams in the night.

I spent some time this morning with my friend Jessica's recommendations in the Psalms department and also read a very fortifying chapter about Jesus' love and healing ministry from a book called Desire of Ages to try to regain some sense of God's care.  Get the mind out of the gutter.

So that was helpful.  Plus I had another prenatal appointment today, and the baby seems to have grown appropriately for its age and still has an audible heartbeat; thusly it is still very much alive.  And I have an appointment to meet with the clinic social worker in December to discuss health insurance options come January.

So now on to decisions about that unexpected email and attempts to work on the big project of finding more violin students.  Violin students are the best employment, because even though they don't come with health insurance, they do come to your house, they pay well, and I thoroughly enjoy working with them.

Happenings...

Yesterday we had the fire chief and apt. electrician come by for a post-fire inspection.  Today we have two guys here changing out the outlet and replacing the dryer.  We're thinking about getting someone external to come inspect their work here at some point...

Also, it was a much easier morning at the nanny job today, because one of the boys was sick and throwing up.  I know how to deal with that.  Changing clothes and throwing bedding and towels into the wash is way easier that breaking up fights and dealing with kids who are conspiring not to follow directions.  I washed my hands about 200 times.  I DO NOT want his bug.

As of this week my nanny job is changing and possibly disappearing.  The dad got a new job and his hours are going to be different once he is done with the training, which means he'll be home in the mornings and able to take the kids to school.  So they'll be looking for after-school help.  However, I took this job, because I was looking for a morning gig which wouldn't interfere with my after-school teaching.  As of right now, I'm only teaching on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, so I said I could still work on Mondays and Fridays.  I know they'd like to keep me on, but it depends on whether they can find someone starting next week who can do just Tuesday through Thursday afternoons, or whether they have to find a 5-day-a-week solution which doesn't involve me.

Jared also picked up a new 90-minute-a-week gig this week doing some in-school coaching on behalf of one of the youth orchestras.  I may also be getting some occasional work from them.  It pays much better per hour than REI and nannying, even though it's brief.

Our income situation and health insurance situation come January is still a complete mystery, but I have confidence that the Lord can work something out, even at the last minute.  My friend Edith mentioned that if we don't have insurance when the baby arrives, there is nothing preventing us from praying that the birth happens very quickly before we have time to go to the hospital, and then we could just shell out for a singular doctors' visit to assure that everyone is healthy.  ;-)

Also, in technology news, one of my small charges was quite fascinated by the window cranks in Jared's car - he didn't know what they were for, having only seen the electric kind before.

"Believe in yourself."

• Worried about how to act in a social situation?  "Just be yourself."
• What's the good thing about your alcoholism/drug addiction/murder conviction?  "I learned a lot about myself."  

•  Concerned about your performance?  "Believe in yourself."  (Often followed by "and anything is possible.")
• Should you buy the new pair of shoes, or get the nose ring?  "Yes, express yourself." 

•  Why should you leave the unfulfilling relationship/quit the boring job/tell off your mother-in-law?  "You have to respect yourself."
• Trying to get rid of a bad habit?  "Be honest with yourself." 

•  Confused about the best time to date or get married?  "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else."
• Should you express your opinion?  "Yes, stand up for yourself."

 This is a passage from another fascinating book I just finished reading, which is pointing out that people born between 1970 and 1999 have been given lots of advice which focuses on the self.  The book is called Generation Me, and its author Dr. Jean Twenge, a member of this generation, has done a massive amount of research looking at the attitudes of Generation Me in comparison with the attitudes of the Boomer generation.  She looks not only at the attitudinal shifts, but the cultural forces that seem to be behind them.

Her chapters cover: 1) the eclipse of individualism over the group mentality, 2) the self-esteem curriculum and narcissism, 3) the false idea that the sky is the limit for every individual, 4) the rise in depression, anxiety, and loneliness, 5) the idea that you have control over life v. the idea that external forces control your life - and how that leads to cynicism, 6) the changes in sexual behavior as seen in the context of "Be honest with yourself, and express yourself," 7) the seismic shift in roles of men and women in family and public life, as well as the shifting attitudes in acceptance of minorities and gays, 8) how all of this information should shape education, parenting, government policies, and business.  She also has a section explaining some of her research methodology.

The author has some strong opinions of her own which she shares, many of which I agree with, and some of which I don't.  There is a decent amount of crude language in the book, usually (but not always) in the form of quotes from individuals interviewed.  The hardest chapter for me to read was the one about changes in sexual behavior, because of its very explicit nature, although I have seen it all around me.  It was particularly enlightening to see those changes explained in the context of a larger cultural shift in thought patterns, rather than as a separate item of "moral degeneration" which could be "fixed" on its own.  

In reading this book, I feel I have a better context for understanding some of the differences between my parents and myself, and also for understanding many of my peers.  You should read this book if you are a member of Generation Me or if you are a member of the Boomer generation, because I have absolutely no doubt that you will learn something and have better understanding of individuals you personally know and love, as well as the culture we live in.  Two thumbs up!

No weekend is complete without a 911 call

We were awakened this morning by an explosion in the hallway outside out bedroom, and we leapt out of bed to see a fire where the washer and dryer plug into the wall.  I grabbed the phone and called 911, and meanwhile the fire fizzled out.  Jared cut the circuit breakers.  We herded the cats into the bedroom and shut the door, and when the fire guys arrived, they were amazed to see quite a list of electrical code violations, which they photographed.  The head of the team kept saying things like, "Get Kyle in here - he's going to want to see this.  Have you ever seen anything like this before?"  So the current plan of action is when the office opens at 10:00, we are going to march down there and tell them there was a fire, the fire department was here, they saw numerous code violations, they took pictures of them, and they mentioned calling the state ILN (sp?) department.  So it would be in the management's best interest to get this taken care of pronto before the state agency shows up and has to evict tenants from unsafe conditions and fine the owners.  Here's to hoping that our management decides to call a real electrician and solve this problem 100%!

Army Tough

1) I have never set foot on a working military base.
2) I am not a big fan of guns and generally find myself leaning pacifist in many circumstances.
3) I strongly identify with military wives.

Some people think my life has been a little crazy the last six years.  We've lived in four cities.  Every time it's an ordeal trying to find new friends, new church, new grocery store, new jobs.  There's all the craziness that goes with moving - changing insurance, updating addresses, new bank accounts, changing drivers' licenses and car registration.  I'm used to always being the new person who doesn't know too many people yet, who doesn't really know her way around, who doesn't know the local customs.  I've been the person whose husband has been working 16 hours a day, six days a week; who can't go on vacation; who can't bring her husband to social events.  This is not seen as "normal" for my station in life.  Other than the whole deployment thing, it's been a whole lot like being married to the Army.  But I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself.  I just think about how my experiences are being shared by military wives, some of whom are my dear friends.  From that angle, my life is normal.  Army Tough.

...Although at this point we are planning on staying in the general area.  For our own sanity.  And no more graduate school or college teaching on the horizon.  So maybe we have retired from the military, and I can begin identifying with civilians.

Seeing through others' eyes

One benefit of my nanny job is that I get time to read while my small charges are sleeping/playing video games/watching TV.  I've already finished a few books, and this one in particular was quite interesting... It's called The Working Poor: Invisible in America by David K. Shipler.  It was one of the purchases I made with a gift card to the book store for my birthday.  I'll just quote you what it says on the back jacket, because it describes the book very well:

"Nobody who works hard should be poor in America," writes Pulitzer Prize winner David Shipler.  Clearheaded, rigorous, and compassionate, he journeys deep into the lives of individual store clerks and factory workers, farm laborers and sweatshop seamstresses, illegal immigrants in menial jobs and Americans saddled with immense student loans and paltry wages.  They are known as the working poor.

They perform labor essential to America's comfort.  They are white and black, Latino and Asian - men and women in small towns and city slums trapped near the poverty line, where the margins are so tight that even minor setbacks can cause devastating chain reactions.  Shipler shows how liberals and conservatives are both partly right - that practically every life story contains failure caused by both society and the individual.  Braced by hard fact and personal testimony, he unravels the forces that confine people in the quagmire of low wages.  And unlike most works on poverty, this book also offers compelling portraits of employers struggling against razor-thin profits and competition from abroad.  With pointed recommendations for change that challenge Republicans and Democrats alike, The Working Poor stands to make a difference.

Reading the book gave me a lot more specific insight into the lives of individuals who grew up in hard circumstances, are in them now, or both, and a lot more compassion for their struggles.  I want to be more like Jesus - to care for "the least of these," and it's so important to remember how many of "the least of these" live and work right here in my own neighborhood, not just in far-off Third World countries.  I would recommend this book to you if: 1) You are American, 2) You are a voter, or 3) If you want to have your heart opened to the poor.

 

How our Saturday night party occurred, but not as planned...

...and how the Lord's angels were looking out for us.

Saturday night, we planned to watch The Two Towers at the Linda-and-Jeffrey-Living-Room-Movie-Theater-of-Greatness while eating delicious homemade soup.  In the end, three of us ate soup, and we spent the evening together, but we didn't see the movie or hang out in the Living-Room-Movie-Theater.  Saturday afternoon, Jared and I went to a state park on the Sound to have a walk around on the beach and in the woods, and it was quite lovely, even though it was wet.  And then we got back into the car to drive home, get our soup contribution from the crockpot, and head over to Dinner-Movie-Party.  

A few blocks down the road, I said something to Jared and he didn't respond, so I assumed he was just thinking about it.  Then I looked at him again, and he was looking at his lap, not the road.  So I yelled, and no reaction, he was completely grey and driving down the road looking at his lap.  In split seconds I grabbed the steering wheel, pulled on the parking break, threw the car into park, and turned off the ignition, while pulling us over to the curb from the passenger's seat.  Here's where the angels came in: when he passed out, we were on a straight stretch of road, there was no cross traffic, and there was a little bit of room to get out of the lane.  We did not hit anyone.  No one hit us.  There was no wreck!  Miraculous!

So I fished in his pocket for his cell phone and called 911.  As I was talking to the dispatcher, Jared started to wake up, but for the next 15 minutes or so, he was talking but very disoriented with no short-term memory.  Two EMT guys from the fire department came and took care of him for a bit while they called an ambulance.  Both I and they tried to restart the car, but something clearly wasn't working.  So the police came and took care of having it towed.  That situation will be dealt with tomorrow.  Car will likely need to be towed from the tow lot to a dealership where they can get it fixed.  I guess it's not designed to be shut off rapidly while someone has their foot on the gas!  

Jared and I got to ride in the ambulance to the ER, and that's where the party occurred.  Jeff and Linda came over to the hospital and brought me some of their delicious soup.  They kept us entertained, and gave me a ride home around midnight when it was decided that Jared should be admitted for the night.  He saw a cardiologist today, and basically we all think he was just really tired and dehydrated and hungry and didn't have any warning before passing out, so he couldn't pull the car over.  I sure hope that NEVER happens again!  So anyway, we are waiting for the exit paperwork to get itself filled out and then we are going home where Jared can get some sleep and I can cook him a BIG dinner.  

Also, as it happened, we're at the hospital where I'm planning to have the baby, and they were having their bi-monthly tour of the birth center this afternoon, so since I was already here, I went down and had a look around.  

Hospitals are kinda boring on general principles, although this one does have a nice lobby with a skylight, fountain, chapel, and fish tanks.  Sure hope they hurry up with that paperwork.  No one has been in any sort of hurry since we arrived, and "I'll be back shortly" means "Please expect to wait an hour or two."

***Breaking news!  A nurse just came in and said he could do Jared's discharge paperwork in about 45 minutes "after dinner".  After his dinner, I suppose.  I'm hungry, and so is Jared, and I want to go home now and cook our dinner.  (Perhaps the low blood sugar is causing a little crankiness, you think?)

Behind the scenes

Well, most of the ten readers of my blog probably already know the behind-the-scenes news which has thus far not been "public domain," but I suppose you can enjoy the journey in the little tidbits as it was written over a period of months...

8/1/12

Um, so the other thing that happened on the way to Washington, is that Jared and I found that we are expecting.  What???  Even though I’ve long wanted children, that was definitely not in the plans while we are unemployed...  I think God likes to remind me in rather inescapably tangible ways that I am not in control of my own life.  It’s a little unreal to me, but Lord willing, come April, there will be another little Ballance in the house...

8/5/12

There is very little I can do to preserve this child’s life right now other than pray, eat well, and avoid full-body contact sports...  And I suppose that is true of being a parent at any point: there is only so much I can do.  This child ultimately belongs to the Lord and the Lord can take him or her where He wants and make of him/her what pleases Him; my responsibility is to nurture this life while it is with me and to keep praying when it hatches and takes flight.  I am determined to enjoy the experience and learn from it whether this child is only with us for a few weeks or for a lifetime.

8/28/12

My mom and her mom before her had the opportunity to be stay-at-home moms.  And my closest friends who have children are also stay-at-home moms.  As much as I want to be present for my child, I will be a very working mom.  And I have no idea how to do that - no role models.  It is sad that in our society moms have to make the difficult choice between being stay-at-home moms or working moms.  My understanding of other societies, especially those of the past, was that the whole family was involved in some industry - agriculture or otherwise, moms included.  And that moms and dads weren’t left alone to raise their children, because grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and older siblings were all in it together, taking turns caring for the little ones.  I’ve read (and sorry, I absolutely can’t remember where) that if a daycare has one staff member for every four children, this is considered an excellent top-notch ratio.  Yet, in pre-industrial society, there were on average four adult caregivers available in the household for each young child.  They say it takes a village.  And I’m wondering where I’m going to find mine.

9/14/12

Very emotional day.  Heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time at my appointment today and burst into tears - this is actually real!  Midwife had to hand me a wad of kleenex.  Then I volunteered at World Vision’s exhibit about the AIDS crisis and its affecting children in Africa.  Heart-wrenching. But good.

9/23/12 

I didn’t mention this yet, but this means I won’t be able to attend my sister’s wedding, as it’s the same week the baby is due.  Very sad about that.  Once in a life-time event, and I can’t be there for her!!!!!!

9/30/12

Moving into the second trimester = feeling better = fewer naps needed = goodbye to most of the nausea = less time required to be spent lounging on the couch = ability to accomplish more = more optimistic Ruth Marie.  This is good for everyone, especially Saint Jared, who has done more than his fair share of cooking, cleaning, cat care, and laundry, and isn’t sure what to do with my apparent laziness and annoyingly unpredictable food cravings/aversions.

10/3/12

So Jared has come up with a convincing argument for why I should practice more.  (I know he’s been disappointed that I don’t spend more time developing my violin skills.)  He has suggested that the baby needs to hear lots of violin now so that violin music will turn out to be very soothing after s/he is born, and thusly, our screaming child can be calmed by listening to me teaching violin lessons.  He’s probably on to something, so I guess I’m going to go open the case now...

10/11/12 

Debating whether to find out the child’s gender in a few weeks at the ultrasound or wait until birth.  Pros and cons both ways.  Right now I’m leaning toward waiting.  But I suppose I have until I arrive at the appointment to decide!  Either way, I will be pretty excited to see a grainy picture of the baby on the screen, but in case you’re wondering, it is not going to become my FB profile picture, so that's something you can be thankful for.

Inventing Musical Vocabulary

Thursday is my "big" teaching day - as in I have five, count them - five! - students in one day.  A little different from the five-to-seven-hour teaching days of old.

The final student of today is going to be famous, because he coined a word.  I was looking in my notes from last week's lesson and thought I had assigned him a particular pizzicato exercise, and he looked at me blankly, clearly not having been taught it (or clearly not having remembered it long enough to practice it?).  I said something about how I seem to have written myself rather cryptic notes last week.  So I taught the pizzicato exercise (again!?  I think?) and hope he'll remember it next week.  He coined it crypticato.  And his mom wrote it down in her notes under that heading.  So I'm pretty sure he won't be forgetting it any time soon.

My student Anna in New York is famous for mispronouncing Humoresque as Hummersquawk.  And she played it really well, too.  I wish she had a recording of it on YouTube, because I'd link it right here.

Needs fixed

A small lesson in regional grammar...

In the Midwest in places such as Ohio, you don't say something needs to be fixed, you say something needs fixed.  Also you always ask location questions by finishing the sentence with at, as in "Where's that at?"  In fact, if you hear one person use both of these constructions in the same paragraph, you can be reasonably sure they're from Ohio.

And in Texas, fixin' to is the important-to-know helping verb construction.  As in "I'm fixin' to drive to work."  And I've heard that this particular construction is rather old and predates the existence of the State of Texas.

So back to needs fixed...

Here's what needed fixed this week:

• The toilet in the yellow bathroom in the condo in Alabama: Our fixit neighbor took care of it for a small fee.
• The water heater in our apartment in Washington: Simple fix - one of the lines was loose, and they brought us an industrial fan to dry out the carpets.
• The toilet in our apartment in Washington: It is running nonstop and when they come back to retrieve the industrial fan, we will hold it hostage until the toilet gets repaired.
• The fridge in our condo in Alabama: It was working just fine when we left, and it is relatively new.  But it's not working for the renter.  She wants us to buy her a new one, but we convinced her to have a repair guy from Sears to come out.  He'll be there tomorrow, and here's to hoping it's something really simple!

Gibberish!

Hi Linda, It's, Ruth Marie and I just want to let you know that we could make it back. The ink you fortaking care of the cat. And We most of the fresh call news for you from. Regarding the torture and Ialso wanted to see mornings. You might be available to host this week if we could. Hi Beanie wanted togive me a little complicated for everyone. But just want to get that worked out on the calendar so. I willtalk to you tomorrow. Bye bye. 

And in case you're wondering what on earth... This is Google's attempting at transcribing the voice message I left my sister-in-law yesterday evening.  Just try to guess what on earth I was telling her!

Improvements...

Financially, things are looking a bit better all of a sudden.  We had a renter move into our Alabama condo for the next two years, thus covering our mortgage and bills there for a good long while.  And... Jared got a seasonal job at REI which starts in a little over a week and runs until the end of December.  I think he'll have fun!  He's going to be working in the call center on the early shift, something which is rather unlike any job he's had before.  This is also good, because it will likely help him get another job in January, either with REI or with another company.  And January is when things really matter, because that's when his Alabama income runs out and when our health insurance runs out.  And my current amount of work (while increasing in small increments!) is not ready to cover those scenarios on its own.

In other news, I have two loaves of ginger bread in the oven, which I am looking forward to eating.

I also acquired a new adult violin student today, which brings me to four kids, two teenagers, and three adults.  And I am really excited that we started sharing our weekly group violin class with another local teacher yesterday.  She has several students who are participating as well, plus a lovely LARGE home, which is excellent, because with my four young students plus the requisite family members in attendance, our little apartment living room was barely adequate.

Also, I have now seen Ben 10 Ultimate Alien, The Regular Show, AND Annoying Orange on the Cartoon Network during my nanny job, and I have concluded that none of these shows are uplifting or redeeming, and I'm going to recommend to you that if you have kids, avoid the Cartoon Network if you'd like your kids to grow up with worthwhile examples of respectful attitudes, conflict resolution skills, or creativity.  But maybe you already knew that.  However, I will say that the Cartoon Network is a good babysitter, so if you're one of these parents who would like your kids to have fun and stay out of your hair, and you aren't a worrier about their future selves may become, then by all means, please get cable.

Making friends

I just read a blog post which is a good reminder for me right now.  It's about making friends when starting over in a new place.  And I know I found friends (or in one case, moved to old friends!) when I've moved in the past.  But it's hard.  I've met lots of people here.  Lots.  But the blog author was reminding me that friendships 1) take time, 2) require effort, and 3) need prayer.  Thankfully we've got family here.  But I definitely need some friends.  My closest friends from over the years are scattered around the country and no one is conveniently local.  So I think I've got the take-time part under my belt, but I should probably make some more efforts and prayers.