I forgot the sky.

On my earlier post of things I wanted to remember, I forgot about the sky last night.  I was stopped at the Costco gas station to fill up after group class.  It was about 8:30.  In one direction, the misty, clouded sky was infused with golden light from the sun.  Overhead there were patches of blue and white, with a fine mist falling.  And in the opposite direction was a magical grey with a huge horizon-to-horizon rainbow over the tall evergreens.  I suddenly felt like I was somewhere exotic on a trip.  Then I realized I was somewhere exotic.  But this is where I live.  This is where I stop for gas every Thursday.  How blessed is that?

And also one of my favorite views of Anne is after she is done nursing and I lay her on my lap.  She squints her eyes, pulls her little elbows up by her ears, scrunches up her legs, arches her back, and makes a little "squee" noise as she stretches and sticks out her tongue.

A few things to remember today

I finally figured out what was driving me nuts in my living room, so I can fix it.  It's to do with the rug.  Anyway.  That wasn't the point of this blog.

Rather...

I took a little nap on the sofa this afternoon.  Anne slept on my stomach with her head buried in my chest.  And when I woke up and looked around, Black Bean was curled up asleep under the keyboard borrowed from my brother, Nutmeg was curled up asleep in my violin case, and Feathers was curled up asleep under the blue wooden chair by the sliding glass door.  A peaceful, special moment.

Anne looks like Jared.  If you aren't one of my facebook friends, enjoy this.

Picture 1: Anne with Jared's Grandma, 2013
Picture 2: Jared with Grandma, 1981

But so many times when she is nursing on the left side and I look down at her (don't ask me why it's not this way on the right side), and I see her little pirranah mouth open and her nose smushed up against me, I see my grandmother and my mom and my sister and myself.  

Procrastination

I'm supposed to be working on getting my new health insurance.  You thought that was over?  Well, I got subsidized health insurance which lasts until 2 months after the baby was born.  So now I need to apply for a different health insurance not tied to maternity. And since I love fooling with health insurance so much, it suddenly struck me that it was time to write a new post.

The post I've been composing in my head for the last week and a half was supposed to be about running.  Here's the bullet point version:

• I remember an afternoon in about 4th grade spent running in my front yard with my friend Margie.  It involved finding things in the garage to make hurdles to jump.  I was sore and exhausted after about four hours.  And it was really fun.
• I got a super amount of exercise in the sixth through eleventh grades when I took ballet.  It wasn't one of those little pink tutus kind of place.  No it was really, really intense, and I don't remember working that hard in my life consistently before or after.  And it was really fun.  I've long needed to replace it with something, since I was really upset when I quit.
• Jared and I went on a 21 mile hike in the Adirondaks one Sunday in 2010 while an Ironman race was happening in the town nearby.  We had to run the last four miles after we were pretty tired in order to get out of the woods before it was too dark to see.  And by run I mean leap over streams, wade through mud puddles, climb boulders, and scramble over fallen logs at panic speed.  Experienced a definite runner's high, and decided it would be fun to run a marathon some day.
• Birmingham - I was sick, sick, sick.  Ended up being diagnosed and having surgery.  But in between sick days, I'd have a day where I felt amazing, and had so much energy I didn't know what to do with it, so I'd go out and run and run around our circle and then go swimming.  These little runs turned out to be about three miles, and I read that if you could run three miles comfortably several days a week, you could train for a half marathon in twelve weeks.  So I did.  Ran the race in about two hours and ten minutes.
• Tried to run some during pregnancy, but the first trimester was a bust.  Felt too tired and sick.  Even walking was a drag.  But I did it, because Jared dragged me off the couch.  Second trimester went pretty well, although I was slower than ever before and my legs felt less than athletic.  Third trimester - could not run.  But did LOTS of walking, hiking, and snowshoeing.
• Annie and I have been on two runs so far, curtousy of the amazing jogging stroller my parents and grandmother gave us.  3.1 miles and 4.4 miles.  We might go again tomorrow.  I'm signed up for a half marathon in October.

In other news... I've had five students inform me of moving/taking time off/quitting this week.  Not good when you've only got twelve.  Also, we went to Oregon for the weekend, and Anne was an absolute dream baby in the car.  Literally.  She slept the whole way there and the whole way back.  Amazing!  Here's a picture of four generations:

Great weekend with Jared's family.  It's so peaceful and quiet at his folk's house - a good way to relax!   

I'll also mention that if you see me and I'm not a NewMomZombie, it's because my baby actually likes to sleep at night.  Usually between four and six hours for her first sleep, and then three or four hours for her second sleep.  So I sleep in with her in the morning, and I am actually well rested.  My life would be a lot harder if not for this amazing fact.  Good girl, Anne!  

One of her newest developments involves looking cross-eyed at her fist while sticking out her tongue.  I wish I could get a picture of it, because I would save it for blackmail material when she gets a little older.  ;-)  Also, her range of vision has recently jumped, so she can see much further.  This means that she really likes riding in her stroller with the hood down so that she can stare at trees as we pass under them.  The girl is quite the arborist - other things don't intrigue her quite as much.  And, she has become quite conversational.  I don't know what all she is saying, but one of her favorite times to tell me things is right after I change her diaper and have sung her the Diaper Cover Song*.  Then she likes to grin and kick around and chatter away.

*Diaper Cover Song, sung to the tune of Indiana Jones Theme Song:

Diaper Cover, you're the one!
Diaper Cover, you're so fun, fun, fun!
Diaper Cover, you're the one...
Diaper Cover, Cover, Cover, it's on!

Singing this song is one of the most fun parts of cloth diapering, I swear.

I'll fly away.

"Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring.  Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating."

This quote I read recently from Simone Weil reminds me of so much of C.S. Lewis' writings.  In particular I am thinking of his description of hell/purgatory as a huge, grey, dreary city, of boring every-day-ness, and the bus to heaven being so small and insignificant, but upon arrival, the wonders of heaven's Reality being so much more beautiful and real than anyone could imagine, who had been perfectly fine with their humdrum boring lives in purgatory.

And then reflecting on one of the Allison Krauss recordings I posted last week:

Some glad morning when this life is over, I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away.

Chorus:
I'll fly away, O Glory, I'll fly away, in the morning.
When I die, hallelujah, by and by, I'll fly away.

When the shadows of this life have gone, I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown, I'll fly away.

O how glad and happy when we meet; I'll fly away.
No more cold, iron shackles on my feet, I'll fly away.

Just a few more weary days and then I'll fly away.

To a land where joy shall never end, I'll fly away.

It is easy to forget to desire heaven, thinking that it couldn't actually be all that wonderful.  The goodness and lack of problems seem boring or goody-goody, and what would we do all the time?  Will there be any fun???  But thinking again of Lewis, all the beauty and joy wonder that we've experienced here below cannot begin to add up to what we will experience on the Long Side of Eternity.  May my thoughts be aligned with Paul in Philippians chapter 1: "For living to me means simply 'Christ', and if I die I should merely gain more of him." Jesus is my treasure, as He says in Luke chapter 12: "Your Father plans to give you the kingdom.  ... Get yourselves purses that never grow old, inexhaustible treasure in Heaven, where no thief can ever reach it, or moth ruin it.  For wherever your treasure is, you may be certain that your heart will be there too!"

Group class

Group class can pretty much never be planned for, since we have such a diversity of levels, ages, personalities, and behaviors.  Each week we don't know exactly what constellation of students will be there, and it changes what can or can't be done.  I have some basic goals I'm working toward, but I have to invent the flow of activities on my feet each week.  Our Thursday night class has a basic routine, though:

~15 mins. everyone plays together.
-Divide into two groups based on age/level/ability/number of students who showed up-
~15 mins. one group stays with me for violin stuff and the other goes downstairs for Dalcroze
~15 mins. the two groups switch
~15 mins. students play solos for each other

Last night's group class was not good.  I was the only teacher there, Anita having taken certain students on a field trip, and Jared having to help with a public school orchestra concert.  And out of the eight kids who showed up, five are in the "unpredictable behavior" category and the "easily distracted" category.  Not to mention levels - one 7-year-old kid who plays most of book one and can transpose between three keys, one 4-year-old kid who is on a "box" violin, one kid who is the MVP of the middle school orchestra violin section, and everything in between.  When Annie started fussing, one of the moms took her, but she was still a distraction to the "easily distracted" kids (which was more than half the group).  Plus it was hot in our group class room.  I felt like I was pulling teeth for an hour - I hope the kids got something out of it... I usually enjoy group class, think well on my feet, and have fun going with the flow.

Bragging

In this post, I shall undertake to brag on a certain fellow who would likely rather remain anonymous.  I shall not reveal the name of this gentleman, but merely tell you of many of his acts of bravery since the birth of my daughter.

This gentleman worked at his occupation and taught my violin students for a week and a half so that I could rest and spend time with the infant.  He also cooks most of the meals for my household in addition to his current occupation which involves fifty and more miles a day in a horseless carriage and hordes of grateless public school pupils.  This fellow also regularly cleans the dishes, scrubs the kitchen, takes out the garbage, runs errands, telephones about insurance and billing questions, vacuums, tidies up before music pupils visit, cleans the cat boxes, diapers the baby, and cares for her when I am away.  In addition he works on the home music business, exercises daily, improves his string playing skills, and studies extensively for some teaching courses he will be taking in the summer.

Yes, this fellow sure has made the first five-and-a-half weeks of motherhood quite easy for me.  If you happen to guess his identity, I pray you not to embarrass him with accolades.  He prefers to work behind the scenes.

One Year Ago

I actually happen to remember what I did last year on Mother's Day.  I got up early and walked to the megachurch on the hill behind our development.  It was a foggy day in the southern Appalacians, and quite beautiful.  The reason for the megachurch visit was that our dear neighbor is a member there, and she had invited me to visit.  It was the best rock concert I had been to up until March of this year (when I went to an official rock concert with Roy, Linda, and Jeffrey... and the baby was quite impressed and wiggly throughout...).  Anyway, the megachurch rock concert/worship service involved a light show and a frenetic drummer who spent the whole time jumping up and down.  I also happen to remember the sermon which involved a visual aid of large clear plastic tubes full of little balls, representing the number of hours in a year children are at church vs. the number of hours in a year children are with their parents.  The point of the sermon was that if we want our children to follow God, it is the parents' responsibility to teach them, because the church has so few contact hours in comparison.  Also, they honored mothers, and there was a lady in front of me with a two-week-old baby.  After all this, I went home and made Mother's Day cards for  my mom and grandmother.  And I'm guessing I probably practiced.

Mother's Day weekend of this year:

Jared and I played at church yesterday.  I played Bach C Major Largo, and Jared played Bach C Major Sarabande.

After church we took a nap.

Then we took Anne to the beach for the first time.

Jared and Annie made me a card today.

In a little while, I'm hoping we can Skype with my mom and grandmother and other relatives in Texas.

Looking ahead to tomorrow, here's the schedule for Monday:
Jared teaches in the schools from 7:00-ish am until 1:00-ish pm.  Then again from 4:00-ish pm until ???

Lessons in our living room:
1:00-2:00 Sarah - violin
2:00-3:00 Sarah and Elizabeth - trio with Jared on viola
3:00-3:45 Elizabeth - cello
4:00-4:30 Ingrid - violin
4:30-5:00 Angelo - violin
5:00-5:30 Vincenzo - violin

Lessons in our office:
2:00-3:00 Anne - violin
3:00-3:30 Anita - violin

And then at 7:00 Annie and I are going to hear Keely's recital at a nearby church.   Annie better be on good behavior tomorrow, because she's going to have to sit through a lot of music!!!

Huge Fan

You may or may not know that I'm a huge Allison Krauss fan.  If tickets weren't so expensive, I definitely would have gone to a concert of hers in Nashville when we lived down South.  My one time at karaoke I sang one of her songs. Here's what I'm listening to at this moment.

(With Union Station) - Shield of Faith

Down in the River to Pray

I'll Fly Away

And my all time favorite...

Jesus Help Me Stand

Bird-tastic

On a walk in the neighborhood this afternoon I saw a raccoon.  When it saw me, it ran out of the pond-edge reeds it was in, up a hill and into the woods.  I also saw lots of the usual avian specimens.  Ducks.  Geese.  Crows.  Swallows.  Starlings.

And in one pond (not the cleanest - it contained a shopping cart...) I saw a pair of ducks with a whole pile of ducklings and a pair of geese with two goslings.  Cute, cute, cute!  One of the adult geese hissed at me even though there was a chain-link fence between us.

In treed areas I saw several birds which were quick and colorful, which I've never seen before.  The main color I saw was bright yellow, but there was also red, and more than that too.  They didn't stay in one place for very long, making identification tough.  Smaller than robins and larger than hummingbirds.  I wished our family friend Robin could have seen them - she's a birder, and she'd know how to identify them.

Looking back, walking forward

A partial list of things I do not miss about being pregnant:

• Nausea
• Exhaustion
• Swollen legs
• Leg and foot cramps in the night
• Feeling faint
• Being hungry and not thinking of anything that sounds appetizing
• Having to eat ALL the time so as to feel slightly less ill
• Getting motion sick on straight roads (and let's not even talk about winding roads!)
• Not being able to find a comfortable sleeping position
• Not being able to sleep
• Having to use the bathroom all night long
• Having to use the bathroom all day long
• Back ache
• Feeling like a blimp
• Having to work harder for everything on account of "heightened" blood supply
• Not having room to breathe
• Having all the internal organs feel compressed
• Round ligament pain
• People's comments about my "baby bump"
• Worrying whether the baby is ok, because you can't really tell
• Wondering what you'll do if the baby dies and wondering what you'll do if the baby lives
• Wondering whether you will like your baby after it is born

A partial list of things I do miss about being pregnant:

• Reading each week about the baby's development and being amazed 
• Hearing the baby's heartbeat on Doppler
• Seeing the baby's bones on ultrasound
• Feeling the baby wiggle, punch, kick, and hiccup (although holding my baby now is even better!)
• No acne, regardless of what I ate!
• Thick, lush hair - yes, if you haven't been pregnant, you might not know that when you are, your body refuses to shed hair.  So if you are used to washing your hair several times a week and suddenly find yourself without oily skin and now only have to wash your hair once a week, literally you will not loose more than 10 hairs.  So your hair can be longer and thicker than ever before or after.  

Conclusion:  being pregnant has more drawbacks than plusses when it's happening.  But getting to hold that amazing child is plenty of payback for all the pain and suffering for nine months.

Thursday priorities

Anne and I got to nap together this morning since I didn't have anywhere to be early!  But then we find ourselves in the tens changing diapers and trying to do multiple loads of wash.  (All of my clothes are coated in milk and spit up.  Ditto on bedding.  And all of Anne's clothes, diapers, and diaper covers are coated in the same plus pee and poop.  Plus the usual laundry which our household can create...)  Anne is screaming bloody murder, because she hasn't eaten in two hours.  I'm feeling the fact that I haven't had breakfast yet.  And Nutmeg is following me around telling me how hungry she is.  I remember the airline safety line about putting on your oxygen mask first before assisting others.  I let the baby scream while I make myself some breakfast, and then I eat it while feeding her.  Kitties will have to wait.  And oh, good, Black Bean is barfing up a hairball right now.  In actual good news he had a long complicated cardiac appointment yesterday in which it was determined that his heart condition has pretty much reversed itself for now and we can phase him off his medication.  To keep us all on our toes this week we have lots of extra appointments.  In addition to that vet appointment (which ran super long and necessitated me loading up Annie and dropping her off with Daddy at the vet on my way to work), I've got a midwife and WIC appointments today and a dental appointment tomorrow, which was rescheduled since I couldn't make the one a few hours after giving birth...  In a while Anne and I will walk over to the pharmacy to pick up Black Bean's last refill and my vitamins, and between now and then I'll take a shower, write some more thank you notes, and take care of some emails and phone calls.  While tending the laundry... And if we're really lucky I'll clean up the hairballs off the dining room floor.

Working woman

It's 2:45 in the morning, and my baby is nursing, and I thought I'd tell you about my day.  It was the first day I felt like I had a "real" job since last July.  I taught someone else's students at a music school for four hours.  It's an easy job.  The students are well trained: they just stand there and take their lessons; none are the hide-under-the-chair or run-around-the-room-ignoring-the-teacher type.  The parents sit quietly and take good notes and ask questions at the end.   I don't have to worry about if they like my teaching enough to stay with me for the long haul and keep paying me, because I'm just the sub.  And they're all playing in Suzuki books one through four which I've taught a million times.  Getting there was a pain.  Traffic on I-5 was terrible, and it took me 66 minutes to arrive, when I'd allotted only 63 minutes to get there.  And after I arrived late, my copied key to the teaching studio turned out not to work and I had to go find someone to let me in while the student waited.   By way of comparison, however, it only took me 39 minutes to get home, although I may or may not have been driving a bit over the speed limit at certain points.  At least it was a beautiful day and I could enjoy the city and mountain views!

Given the ease of my lifestyle as of late (working VERY part time at home and having a husband who does EVERYTHING around the house), it was a major production to get everything ready for this: obtaining pumps and pumping milk, storing and washing of same, training baby to take milk in a non-mom format, getting babysitting organized and babysitters prepared, wading through all the emails for the gig, and then having everything (especially all the baby stuff) ready to go at departure time.  I'm not going to lie - I cried a little after I left her with her first wonderful babysitter.  I wasn't worried about her at all; I was just missing being with her.  And I'm not going to lie about this either - it was nice to be a professional working person again, especially given the ease of this particular job.  And so the rent will get paid for another month...